Today is August 30th and it is National Grief Awareness Day. The definition of grief is, “Deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone’s death.” I am unsure that definition even scratches the surface of what grief is or feels like.
I think we experience grief in a lot of different situations. The loss or change of a job, life transitions, death, etc… I have experienced grief more than once, but almost three years ago this January I experienced the death of my grandpa. My papa was one of my greatest friends, advocates, & examples. My papa was also like a father to me. Losing him was the heaviest grief I have ever experienced in my life. It was heavy the day he died, it was heavy the month after, and today, almost three years layer, it is still so heavy.
I want to take some time to write to you about a few things that have really helped me to not only survive while living in grief, but find peace throughout it’s heavy burden. I am not a therapist, or a grief counselor, but I hope my experience and story will provide you with just a little glimmer of hope that you can find spaces in grief where wholeness, & peace are possible.
1.) Let Yourself Feel the Memories.
In the beginning of my journey with grief I remember doing all I could to suppress every memory with my papa. I would tell myself, “don’t don’t don’t”, each time a memory would arise. I would do this as a defense mechanism in order to not feel pain or immediately break into tears. What I soon learned is those memories wouldn’t disappear and dealing with them all at once would cause outbursts of anger or sorrow that I struggled to deal with. Taking time each day to feel those memories, talk with my papa, write in a journal, etc. really helped me to manage my grief everyday rather than in overwhelming outbursts that I couldn’t control or manage.
2.) Seek Guidance.
Your best friend may be the best sounding board, but if they haven’t spent their education or career on grief counseling or therapy then they are not the guidance you need. I waited over a year to see a therapist to manage my grief, and I regret how long I waited. My therapist helped me identify what was trauma versus what was grief, and how to work through those things. She has been such a support to me as I navigate the death of my papa and how it effects my everyday thoughts, & life.
3.) Spend Time in the Memory.
One of the things grief does to so many people (and almost did to me), is it tries to rob you of any time honoring the memory of your loved one. I remember not allowing myself to even drink a Coke, go to the beach, or look at pictures of my papa because it was so gut wrenching that he was gone. Anything that reminded me of him I had just decided to cast away. It almost robbed me of some of the most beautiful things that allowed me to feel close to him. Now, as I work through my grief I try to spend at least one day a month doing something that makes me feel close to my papa. Sometimes I do it while I am sobbing, other times I do it while feeling his embrace and feeling the most joy surrounding me. Take time today to create space that allows you to feel so close to the memory or the situation that brings you that dark, and heavy grief.
I know this blog won’t take away your grief, and it probably won’t change it, but I hope it reminds you that grief doesn’t have to have the final word. Your memories are so precious, therapy is beautiful, & you are not alone in the darkness of grief. I hope this blog has been a source of light for you, and I pray it serves as a tool to help navigate another day in our heartbreak, together.
I love you, I am praying for you, & I pray your grief can also serve as a reminder that you loved so deep… something no one can take away.
Chels.
LifeintheMargins 
Love you sister. Thank you for sharing your heart!
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