I have had several moments of sobbing heartbreak today. Heartbreak, that to just anyone may not make sense. Today, the birth mother of my baby girl stood before a judge and surrendered all of her parental rights. This woman, this mother, stood before God and the law and gave up her baby girl. She is not on drugs, or homeless. She is not mean-spirited, or corrupt. She is a beautiful mother with other children who knew what was best for Lorelei was giving her up for adoption. In her tragedy, my dreams came true. The devastation Rory’s birth mother faced today is not lost on me. It was not lost on me that day we were discharged from the hospital and she held Rory for the last time and said goodbye, and it was not lost on me today as I knew what she had to do. This court hearing was the last step in Rory’s adoption so we can now set a final hearing date for our adoption to be closed and final. Our family is celebrating today, but my heart is also broken.
I have spent this Ash Wednesday feeling so thankful and so broken because I know that is the heart of the God we serve. His heart breaks for my baby’s birth mom but celebrates and rejoices for His plan to place her into my arms. We serve a God who loves us that much.
The depth of a love that cries with the birth mother as she signs away custody but rejoices with the mother who has dreamed and prayed for this day for what feels like forever.
I couldn’t help but reflect on my heartbreak today and read 1 John 4:7, “Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.” My heartbreak is not because I am a good human, but because the God I serve has put a love inside of me that could only come from Him. A love that wouldn’t make sense to so many. How could I be so hurt for her birth mom when it means I get to be the mother of my baby forever? Because God is not just answering my prayers in His plan for Rory but drawing near to the heartbreak her birth mom faced today and for the rest of her life. Today, she made the most selfless decision our world has to offer, and I know God is not only so proud of His child for making that decision, but I know that because of the way He loves He is also drawing near to her in her hurt. It is because the love I have in my spirit is of Him that I do not just celebrate today, but also mourn and share a heavy heart with Lorelei’s sweet birth mother. I want to share some of the things I would say if I could have held her hand today in that court room.
Dear sweet birth mother,
You are an incredible woman. You are a beautiful example for your children. Most of all, you are a GOOD mother. I wish I could have held your hand today, but I know God was. As you surrendered your legal rights to be Rory’s mom today, I want you to know you made every dream I have ever had come true. As you felt your world crashing just know you changed her life, you gave her the life you know as a mother she deserved. God sees you, hears you, and is drawing so near to you in this heartbreak. I want you to know today that your selfless decision is honored by him and cherished by my family. You are a warrior. You are a fighter. You are our hero. Thank you for your strength, and commitment to your baby for a better life. It will never go unnoticed by our family, or your Father in heaven.
We love you,
A new mom.
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