I am a full-time youth pastor, a wife, a foster mom, a daughter, a sister, a friend, but I am mostly a daughter of the King. I am a 7 on the enneagram which means I struggle to complete projects, love every single person I meet, and if your reading this I probably think we are best friends. I enjoy collecting water bottles, near suffocating my dog trying to snuggle her, and being around the teenagers God has called me to disciple. I also experience anxiety in a way most could not understand. Anxiety when it’s at its peak in my life can cause crippling effects and wreak havoc in my world. I wanted to share my struggle with you today as I have many times before because if you understand the struggle of anxiety you are not alone.
Another student calls me at 1am with a problem I can’t even type because it is so heart wrenching. Not only is she suffering through it, but she feels alone. The caseworker called today to inform us they found a relative to take the second foster baby we had hopes of adopting. My husband gets irritated with me for barking orders at him because I, in an overwhelming voice and harsh tone, ask him to clean the kitchen. A friend cries to me as she faces the trials of this world and needs my shoulder. My mom and grandparents face health concerns and stressors that would scare anyone who loves them.
It is in all of these moments I am reminded that I am a full-time youth pastor, a wife, a foster mom, a daughter, a sister, a friend, but I am mostly a daughter of the King. It is in these moments where the anxiety begins to creep in that I cannot handle all that is on my chest or all that is put in front of me. It is in these moments I cry out to God and ask Him to please release the weights on my chest and give me air to breathe. It is in these high stress moments where the devil tries to fill my heart, and my mind with anxiety where I hear God softly whisper, “you are mine.”
In my prayer time I continually have been reading Psalm 61:2-4, “From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe.” The greatest part about this scripture is upon first reading I wondered if David meant “from the ends of the earth” literally, but in my continued reading and studies I discovered it was a figurative term to describe his mental state. How fitting that David was exclaiming when we feel like we are just from the ends of all we have that we cry out to God. The trials and struggles of this world may not cease today, but the ability to obtain joy and peace from the Father is ever so present if we only call upon Him.
Today although I am still serving in all of the positions and roles I began this writing with but I am not drowning without air. God has not released me of all of the burdens, or taken away all of my pain, but He has provided me with a peace and comfort that He has and will never abandoned me amidst it all. Psalm 4:8, “In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.” I am praying today you can come to the Lord and find safety and assurance that you are never to anxious, too alone, or too heavy burdened for Him to give you peace.
Always in prayer,